"I waste so much time chasing people." 👻

My 10-second anti-ghosting rule

Oct 27, 2025

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“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Hi,

How was your last week?

“I waste so much time chasing people.”

That’s what one leader told me recently in our session.

And if you’ve ever sat staring at your inbox, waiting for that one reply so you can finally move forward, you know exactly how that feels.

You follow up once.

Then again.
Then again.

Each time, frustration grows. And when the answer finally arrives, everything suddenly becomes urgent. So you end up working late into the night, or on weekends, cleaning up the mess of someone else’s silence.

Why share this?

Because we depend on each other’s decisions, input, and expertise. Companies are just groups of humans trying to work together, but too often, it feel likes we’re all playing different games.

In football, when one player refuses to pass the ball, the whole team suffers. At work, it’s the same.

When someone delays the “pass” - the answer, the approval, the feedback - the whole team bears the cost of what could’ve been a 10-second heads up.

Have you ever been ghosted at work? I have.

Here’s what it looks like:

A colleague ignores your follow-ups for weeks - your stress spikes as the deadline gets closer.
A client asks for a proposal, then disappears - you already feel the dread of your boss asking, “Any update on that?”
A manager delays feedback until last minute - you know what it means: saving the project at the cost of your weekend.

And while no one means to be cruel, it still feels that way:

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Did I miss something?”

“Am I not worth a reply?”

You feel irritated, anxious, and alone.

But let me flip the question: Have you ever ghosted?

If you have, it wasn’t because you wanted to be cruel. So the next time you feel ghosted, remember that too. Most people don’t mean harm, they just don’t know how to say “not yet.”

the why

Most people don’t even realize they’re ghosting.

We avoid shame, conflict, being misunderstood, disappointing someone, and another uncomfortable conversation in an already overloaded day. So we hide behind silence (and screens) because somehow “not replying yet” feels easier than saying:

“Not yet.”
“Not right now.”
“We’ve changed our mind.”

When I joined IWC, it took 8 months from my first interview to my first day in the office. 8 months of waiting, hoping, and anxiety.

It wasn’t just about the job or “the next step,” it was a cross-continent move from Thailand to Switzerland (country I knew nothing about) with a tough family situation on the line.

But every time I emailed, my recruiter replied:

“Kate, I’m on it.”
“Kate, I’ve reached out for updates.”
“Kate, we’ll have (most probably good) news next week.”

She could’ve gone silent, but she didn’t.

Her simple “not yet” gave me enough reassurance to stay calm, patient, and quite frankly sane. And that job led to some of my favorite memories in my corporate career.

the how

If we want better workplaces, better work-life balance, we need better relationships. And that starts with learning to communicate kindly, clearly, and humanly.

When I was leading teams in corporate, we established one rule: Reply within 48 hours, even if you don’t have the answer yet.

It takes 10 seconds: a quick email, a Teams message, or a word after a meeting. But it saves hours on follow-ups and spares everyone from extra stress and overthinking.

A few examples:

“After thinking about it, I’ll pass this time.”

“Thank you for your patience. I need a bit more time to finish this.”

“Still waiting on input from [X], but I’ll update you by Thursday.”

Ghosting erodes trust and respect.

And trust is the single most valuable ingredient of productive communication and healthy work life.

Saying “not yet,” “not now,” or “we’ve changed our direction” doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear. And in my book, clarity earns trust and respect.

(We also ghost because we try to do everything and all at once. That’s a sign to reset your priorities. Balance comes with better choices. And that starts with a clear, effective goal. I’ll help you set yours in my free workshop.)